2/6/06 England vs ROW

England 3 - ROW 2

England Scorers
Pervy Ankles Kessen 2
News Bitch Jimmy 1 (pen)

ROW Scorers
Badass Ben 1
Sicknote Alex 1

England vs the rest of the world. It wouldn't be a proper England international without yobs, controversy and a whole lot of moaning. It's hard to know where to begin. What started out as a friendly pre-world cup warmup quickly degraded into the bitchiest night of football in recent memory. Chopper Kenny lived up to his namesake and carried on as the only fnighter who actually slide tackles on astroturf. This was quickly repaid in full during a challenge for what may have been a glorious headed goal for the Chopper, had he not been on the receiving end of a Lindros-esque shoulder to the chest that saw him laid firmly on his backside. The resulting chase around the pitch proved that Chopper can actually run when motivated, guess he's just lazy. He later claimed that he was merely chasing CCMike to give him a big kiss. If that's what he looks like when he gets all amorous, nevermind. In keeping with the lowered tone set by Chopper & CCM, another key matchup saw Baby Face Chan doggedly harass the Big Man to the point of redfaced frustration.

On a lighter note in the wake of this utterly ladish nonsense, Boney Al managed to defy the laws of physics clearing a ball from a third way up the pitch to behind his goal for a corner while running towards the oppositions goal. He then quickly followed this up by running into his area to unecessarily clear a ball and concede the first penalty in fnfootie bloghistory.

No doubt there will be renewed moaning at the scoreline above with the ROW claiming that Dave's second goal came after full time. Let me dispell that now. The game had reached 'next-goal wins' territory. The fact that ROW keeper Tea Time Pat decided to go check on his camera while Dave made a trademark stumbling run in a very straight line does not signal the end of a next goal wins contest. Besides, we all know that Dave never bothers to look up when running with the ball, so he had no idea there was no keeper and the finish was worth a goal.

Special Mentions
Tea Time Pat - for playing past tea time and redirecting us to a fine pub for afters.
Boney Al - for defying the laws of physics and conceding the first penalty.
Chopper & CCM - proper clash of the titans (ha!) complete with a merry chase round the pitch.
News Bitch Jimmy - for openly and unashamedly declaring he could not stop in at the pub cause he worked hard all week and deserved a good wank.